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Break Up

“It’s not you, it’s me,” she said as she announced that our one-year relationship was over. That was so like her. Wait until after I bought dinner.

I am no fool, I knew she’d found someone else. I suppose I could have gotten mad, but what was the point? This was not love. There would be others for me, too. There already was.

I almost laughed when I heard that tired cliché. A year together and no more thought than that? But, then I was sad. How could we have spent so much time together and be so utterly unattached?

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2 Notes
Luke about 1 year ago

Your last sentence conveys a lot of emotion and self awareness. I think it takes guys a while to develop that. I am 28 and have only recently realized that I have it!

Nate about 1 year ago

I wonder if there's a better way to say, "as she announced that our one-year relationship was over."

In fact there is, and you say it: "A year together and no more thought than that?" I don't think you need to relate the information twice in such a short story.

Perhaps use that first paragraph to set up the scene. Show us some sensory stuff. Where are they, what's the lighting like? Does it reflect the narrator's emotional state? What's left on his plate? Some of those sensory elements can help feed into his emotional state just as well as the narrator actually telling us how he feels.

A lot of questions in here, perhaps more statements?

I agree, the last sentence is poignant for many men out there.

SBG responded about 1 year ago

Thanks for the feedback. Good things to think about.