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Hot Night in the City

I sat in the stale, stifling air of my suffocating apartment, miserable. Even though the sun had gone down two hours ago, the heat was still too much to bear. I was sweating in my chair, even though I wasn’t wearing a shirt.

I slowly rose to my feet, my back noisily coming unstuck from the fake leather I had been glued to by the humidity. I grabbed my radio and a fresh beer, slipped into some sandals, and made my way outside to the fire escape. The crack of the beer can’s tab was crisp in the night air.

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2 Notes
Barry about 1 year ago

Good to see you writing on Scrawlers, Andrew! Your inspiration is clearly apropos to the season. :) I really like how these 100-word stories can describe such a simple moment that defines a larger reality. It's Aristotelian in its simplicity.

One way you might improve on the story is to move descriptions of somewhat abstract things, such as "stale, stifling air," to descriptions of the character's reaction to the environment. Show the difficulty the character has in breathing the hot air, for instance.

Rather than being fairly descriptive on the state of the character's sweat and clothing, maybe something as simple as "Sweat collected on my bare chest" would do the trick.

Keep writing. I look forward to seeing what other stories you can come up with.

Nate about 1 year ago

I don't think you need the word "miserable" in the first sentence because words like "stale," "stifling," and "suffocating" already tell us the character is miserable. Does wearing a shirt have a direct correlation to whether one sweats or not? Are you going for the connection of his glistening torso?

The last line has resonance - it's clear (and crisp!).

Thanks for the story, Andrew.